Yesterday I had planned to put up a different poem. Today I have been for a lovely walk right up the coast with a friend, had a cup of tea and a teacake, so I feel I can talk about the horror that was the hours spent yesterday, finding all of the socks and underpants my teenager says he does not have.
Now, don’t go moaning about child abuse in my writing poems about him, he says he doesn’t want to read my poems as he doesn’t care. This is such a lovely thing for a mother to hear from her teenager, isn’t it? Still he has his moments so let’s see how he does finishing his room tonight. At least we can see carpet, which as any poor, tortured soul who has seen my many posts about his bedroom is an achievement worthy of time team. I didn’t even have to hire an excavator, though I was glad to go swimming later so that the chlorine would hopefully bleach off all of my skin after touching things on the floor in a teenagers bedroom.
Here is a lovely poem I wrote about my experience:
Why I murdered my teen, an ode to Dylan Hunter:
I didn’t of course, as he’s at school,
But I’m in his room and that’s not cool.
To put it so simply, I’m in a rage,
He can’t hoover sawdust that’s flung from a cage.
It’s not the poor gerbils' fault, I can assure,
It’s gerbil neglect, that much is for sure.
Books, DVDs and pens on the floor,
My towels are hidden behind his door.
Clothes that aren’t put away in the drawer,
He knows full well what drawers are for!
Sadly, for him mum has stolen away.
His computer perhaps for another day.
If he properly cleans, he may see its return,
I’m at the point where his room I’ll burn.
I’ll cackle and laugh whilst he loses his pigsty,
If you saw this room, you’d probably cry.
It took three people to clean it before,
So he must properly clean the floor.
Mum has really lost her mind,
So clean your room or I won’t be kind.
I’ll sell all of your stuff in a wicked demeanour,
Go for a drink and hire a cleaner.
As always my poems are my very own work from my very own brain, so do not pinch them and if you reference my work, please quote me. I have a great concept for a book cover, but if I draw it you’ll all wonder what on earth it is, so I’m hoping for an illustrator or just a clever person to bring my dreams to reality and then, I can self publish my book!
Watch this space.
Seafretted 